Sunday, August 31, 2008

The Mike Mussina Hall of Fame Page

So I think this page is fascinating because, well, I love the Moose and agree that he should be headed to the Hall. But holy shit, the color changing hyperlinks are a MIND FUCK! Like, seriously. I start reading and then all I can do is stare at the colors changing.

I went to the game today. More on that later.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Getting yanked around

You know that roller coaster at Great Adventure? The one with the super huge hill and then the majorly big drop and then all the less impressive bumps and hills and it's really long and then you get off and feel really dizzy and like you're going to puke and then you think why the hell did I go on this after I ate those chicken fingers and seriously am I really getting too old for roller coasters because I think I might be?


Sure, it may not be over until the fat lady sings, and she hasn't sang yet, but... she's in the wings. Let's hold her off, boys. 

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Sad Panda

Can't handle my chronically underperforming baseball team or my chronically underperforming life. Ugh.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

End of Days

After hearing this quote during the Yankees post-game wrap - 

It's amazing. This is what I get paid to do, this is what I live for. This is all I really want, to go out there every fifth day and do my job.

 - I have to wonder. Where is the real Carl Pavano and who is inhabiting his body?

With Pavano at 1-0 on the season - and the apparent victim of a body-snatching alien - Apocalypse Threat Level: High.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

...and I feel fine

I've written before about signs of the apocalypse. But as dire as all of those were, somehow none seems more apocalyptic than this announcement from the Yankees.

This Saturday, the starting pitcher for the New York Yankees will be Carl Pavano.

If you have a bomb shelter, now would be a good time to make sure it's well-stocked with provisions.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

More Office, Please!

I'm a bit tired of NBC's overkill promotion for their new series My Own Worst Enemy. What I'm not tired of is the brilliant promo clips for The Office.

Michael on Beach Volleyball:

Jim invents a new Olympic sport:

Dwight and the Centathalon:


Sunday, August 17, 2008

Reservoir Bombers

So I saw this picture from this afternoon's Yankees beatdown of the Royals...
...and immediately thought of this shot, which I couldn't find exactly and had to screencap

Let's see: 
Jason Giambi is obviously Mr. Pink, the wisecracking loudmouth making inappropriate pop culture jokes and always good for a quote. Derek Jeter is Mr. White, the leader, the wise veteran. Bobby Abreu is Mr. Yellow, a brutal RBI assassin. And A-Rod? He's Mr. Orange. The guy everyone wants to like but, as it turns out, is playing for the other side. Cue "Little Green Bag" and imagine the Reservoir Dogs credits rolling...

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Going for the Gold: Part IV

I suppose that should really be Part 8. As in, 8 gold medals. Damn.
Congrats, Michael. And I thank you and your delectable physique for making this year's Olympics far more interesting than I anticipated.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Getting Back to Your Roots

My blog, which I started in an attempt to collect my various pop-culture rants, has been a little light on the pop-culture lately, heavy instead on odes to the US Men's Olympic Swim Team and the chronicling of various voodoo rituals implemented in an effort to make the Yankees play better. To rectify that, 340 words devoted to The Hold Steady's excellent latest album, Stay Positive, which has been in heavy rotation on my iPod since purchasing it a few weeks ago. 

Very little press about The Hold Steady goes by without evoking Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band. To be compared to the Boss certainly seems to set up high expectations, but if Bruce came of age listening to The Replacements, The Wild, the Innocent, and the E Street Shuffle is going to sound a lot like Stay Positive. Craig Finn's vocals are slightly more... shoutey than Bruce's - certainly a punk influence - but the loners and losers who inhabit his songs are the same ones roaming the Jersey Shore in the 70s - kids who just want to get out, to be anywhere but here, to figure out what the hell they're supposed to do with their lives while they work dead end jobs. And come on, if you're putting a saxophone solo in a rock song today, you owe a pretty big debt to Bruce and the Big Man.

But there are plenty of Springsteen tribute bands out there, and that's not a job for which The Hold Steady is applying. Sure, their love of classic rock shines brightly through every song they play, but they just wants to rock at a time when good old straight ahead rock and roll with thoughtful lyrics and loud guitars seems to be falling off the radar in favor of god knows what. "Sequestered in Memphis," a tune about a one night stand and a murder investigation, is far catchier than its macabre subject matter might indicate. The title track roars in with a triumphant organ fill and a grounded but optimistic POV on the scene. The entire album is one relentless guitar onslaught crammed with riff after riff of music that makes you feel alive again.

The Hold Steady are big enough now to get a full review in Entertainment Weekly (the July 18th issue, if you're curious, and a ringing endorsement). I'm not sure what this says about them, that they're just a few issues removed from a review of the new Jonas Brothers album. Hopefully it's a good thing. After all, if they're following in the footsteps of their idols, it did take a few albums before the world as a whole picked up on the genius of Springsteen.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Going for the Gold: Part III

I can has all three at once?
Ricky Berens, Ryan Lochte and Michael Phelps. 
Go USA, indeed...
It's official, I love the Olympics...

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

New toy! New toy!

Because running on the treadmill has caused me to nearly kill my iPod and nearly kill myself with my iPod, I opted to buy an iPod shuffle. Frankly, I think it's kind of awesome. So awesome, in fact, that I've spent the entire evening since returning from the mall clipping it to various parts of my t-shirt and jeans. 

This just in: I am a massive tool.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Going for the Gold: Part II

Oh my. I'll, uh, be in my room...

Going for the Gold

Are the Olympics making anyone else feel lazy and underachieving? I mean, I feel lazy and underachieving on a daily basis, but this really seems to exacerbate the issue.

On the flip side, they're also, um, making me incredibly horny. What can I say, I dig the boys in the pool. And how could you not, after that performance that Michael Phelps and company put on to win the 4x100 free relay last night? Now if you'll excuse me, has put up a gallery of delectable swimmer abs and... I think I need some time to myself.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

The Moose gets no respect from FOX

The less said about the Yankees' last two games about the Angels, the better. But I have to mention this:

If you frequent, you may have seen that fans voted Mike Mussina the Clutch Player* for the month of July. It's nice that Moose is getting recognized for having a great season when he was thought to be done at this time last year. Let's not forget that many people surmised that he would be booted out of the rotation for the eventual rise of Joba Chamberlain the starter.

FOX broadcaster Thom Brenneman was absolutely disgusted with this. "I guess a lot of Yankee fans voted," he remarked disparagingly during the Yankees/Angels game, as he brought up CC Sabathia's stats and dissed the baseball-loving public for voting for Moose instead of CC.

Look, I get it. Neither FOX nor ESPN has any respect for the Yankees, because every saga needs a villain. But at a time when the Yankees have been desperate for good pitching, Mussina has stepped up and filled that need. If that's not clutch, I don't know what is. And come on, dude, give it up. It's a silly little award voted on by fans. CC Sabathia is likely going to get a HUUUUGE free agent payday come this offseason, so I think it'll be a pretty good consolation prize for losing the July Clutch Player of the Month award.

And come on. Give the Moose (who's also pretty funny) some props. He deserves it.

*I refuse to mention the sponsorship inherent in the name of this award.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Xtina hearts the X-Man

I really can't handle this right now, so instead let's talk about what a great acquisition Xavier Nady has been for the Yanks.
I was at the game on Sunday and he put on quite the show - going 4 for 5 including a home run with 6 RBI. Since becoming a Yankee, he's batting .382 with 7 extra base hits. As I type, YES is replaying his beauty of a diving catch from the bottom of the 6th in tonight's game. And because it can't be ignored: he looks fiiiine in pinstripes.

So kudos, Brian Cashman. It's still too early to say but this one has the potential to be up there with the David Justice and Bobby Abreu midseason acquisitions.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

I'll take creative answers for $200, Alex

The category on Jeopardy: Black & White
My sister, before seeing any of the answers: "Oooh! What is Derek Jeter!"

*smacks forehead*

Joba leaves with stiff right shoulder/

Oh fuck me.

Maybe Phil Hughes will ride in from Scranton on a big ass horse (a la Wade Boggs) and be our knight in shining armor. Maybe he'll bring Shelley "Team Cheerleader" Duncan with him... 

Monday, August 04, 2008

Requiem For the 'Stache

Yes, I'm sad to say the 'Stache is no more. In a way, I feel honored to have seen its last game in person.
Picture taken yesterday by yours truly.
The 'Stache was 0-3 with 2 walks.

So tonight we celebrate the 'Stache. Pour out a little Jack Daniels in its honor. And look forward to the future. The 'stache-less era has gotten off to a great start - in his two ABs so far in tonight's game, Giambi has an RBI single and a solo homer. 

And all is not lost: one mustache dies, and another is born. Michael Phelps, you rock.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Movies you should not pay for

You may think that Will Arnett can't sink any lower than Let's Go to Prison. You'd be wrong. Exhibit A: The Brothers Solomon. Thank goodness he parlayed the excellence that was G.O.B. Bluth into a primo reoccurring guest spot on current greatest comedy on TV 30 Rock...