Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Signs of the Apocalypse: Music Edition

In the latest music news, Britney Spears was denied the number one spot on the charts this week because Billboard suddenly decided to start counting albums sold at a single retailer. This means that The Eagles, who are selling their new album only at Wal-Mart, snatched the top spot away from her.

There are so many things wrong/weird/confusing about this. Where do I even start?

1. Britney Spears would have had the number one album in the country despite the only thing she has done in the way of promotion is flash her ladyparts to a few cameras. I've heard that if Britney's music is your thing, this album is actually pretty good, and that's not my thing, so I can't really argue that. But seriously people, aren't we over the whole Britney thing yet? I actually almost feel sorry for her and her complete inability to function as a normal human being. Almost.

2. The Eagles have the number 1 album in the country. Really? The Eagles? And to my surprise...

3. ...The Eagles have the best-selling album in America in history. Their Greatest Hits: 1971-1975 has sold more copies than Thriller, Led Zeppelin IV, The Wall, Born In The USA, Jagged Little Pill, Appetite For Destruction, etc. Yet I could name you more people who purchased all of those albums than have purchased that Eagles greatest hits compilation. I was going to say that I don't know a single person that owns this album, but that would actually be incorrect, as I looked it up on Amazon and realized that my dad definitely had a tape of it that got tossed around the back seat of the car for a while until sun damage ultimately rendered it unplayable. That being said, I love my dad dearly, but a love of great music has never been his strong suit.

4. And finally, the most offensive part of this whole ordeal: the fact that The Eagles are selling this new album at Wal-Mart exclusively. I'm pretty sure that Wal-Mart is the earthly incarnation of hell and its executive board is comprised of Satan's minions (see the excellent documentary Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Prices for more info - also, it gets bonus points for using a live version of Bruce singing "This Land Is Your Land"), and I can't possibly think of anything good that a Wal-Mart exclusive says about your band. So why?

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