I think Frank Costanza was really on to something with Festivus. I've pretty much had it with the whole Christmas thing.

Hope everyone else's holiday was more enjoyable than mine.

Ugh

So I visit Variety.com to check the latest bad news about the writers strike (today's update: WGA refused to give a waiver to the Golden Globes and will probably be picketing it) and what is one of the top stories?

A-Rod Bats for Oseary's Team

This, sadly, is not a reference to A-Rod's sexuality, but an article about the manager he just signed with. He didn't drop Boras, but he's definitely marginalizing him, and man, does he ever hate Boras now or what?

But yeah, just what the always-disheartening news about the WGA strike needs: More A-Rod...

Ricky Gervais, Comedy Genius

Firstly, The Extras Christmas Special = amazing. I'm about five seconds from busting out the Office Christmas special since (a) it's the appropriate season and (b) the Extras special reminded me of how freaking good it was. I didn't think there was any way it could compare to the Office special, but it was definitely up there.

Secondly, what is up with selling concert tickets seven months in advance of the event? First Bruce, now Ricky Gervais doing standup at MSG on July 14-15, with tickets going on sale on Tuesday. After Saturday's debacle, I don't know if I have the mettle to do battle with Ticketmaster again so soon, but man oh man do I want to see his standup show.

BRUUUUUUUUUUUCE

Well it's not exactly the triumph I was hoping for but, I'll take it:

Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band

Giants Stadium East Rutherford, NJ

Mon, Jul 28, 07:30 PM

QTY

4

SEC

12

ROW

16

DESCRIPTION

Price Level 1

FLOOR SEATING

It's the back of the floor, but it's the floor nonetheless. And don't think that's the only show we're going to see. One way or another, I think we'll be getting some GA's. But for my parents, who haven't been spoiled by being up close, I think this will do just fine.

Oh, and thanks a lot, Ticketmaster, for the $55 in convenience fees. It's like you don't even have to try to be more hated than you already are.

The American Public Doesn't Know Shit

What the fuck is wrong with this country? The top ten albums of the year?

1. Daughtry Daughtry
2. Konvicted Akon
3. The Dutchess Fergie
4. Hannah Montana Soundtrack
5. Some Hearts Carrie Underwood
6. All the Right Reasons Nickelback
7. Futuresex/Lovesounds Justin Timberlake
8. High School Musical 2 Soundtrack
9. Now 23 Various Artists
10. Minutes to Midnight Linkin Park

I don't know what's worse, the list being topped by an American Idol also-ran, or the fact that people actually like the musical equivalent of syrup of Ipecac known as Nickelback. Ew ew ew. God, it's all so bad.

Celebrities Should Keep Their Mouths Shut

Dear Katherine Heigl,

If you're going to complain that Knocked Up is sexist, how about picking something other than a shitty, cliche-ridden romantic comedy for your follow-up, to, you know, actually make a point or something?

You Spin Me Round

I used to have a subscription to Spin Magazine. After a few years, I cancelled my subscription because I came to the conclusion that the magazine thought it was much cooler than it actually was, and also because they put a picture of a shirtless, greased-up Scott Stapp and his band Creed on the cover once and I swear it almost made me lose my lunch. 

But for the first time since I cancelled my subscription, I bought an issue of Spin. Win Butler of Arcade Fire and Bruce Springsteen. On the same cover. Each talking about how awesome the other is. I think this is the music journalism equivalent of putting Chunky Monkey and the other Ben & Jerry's that tastes like Bailey's Irish Cream and Guiness in the same container. Anyway, it's supremely interesting and hearing that Bruce enjoys Rihanna's "Umbrella" makes me feel way less guilty about singing along with it while stuck in traffic on the freeway in LA. The article - which is less of an article and more of a transcript - is heads and shoulders above the rest of the issue and generally above what my general opinion is of Spin.

Bruce has only recently come into vogue in the hipster set - I spent much time in college trying to convince others of his awesomeness to no avail - and while he owns the hearts of 40-year-old single men such as the ones we chatted with while waiting for the concert, I don't think he's quite captured the hearts of 20-somethings as much as the editors of Spin might like to think (I'll be the first to admit that my tastes run slightly outside the mainstream). But it's a good read if you like either artist, and an even better read if you like 'em both.

Analogy time:

The Mob is to Michael Corleone as baseball is to Andy Pettitte. (As in, every time he thinks he's out, it pulls him back in.) And this is a good thing.

Now let's get this Santana situation locked down. 

Mmmmm, tuna

A public service announcement to say that the Ahi Tuna Chopped Salad at Outback Steakhouse is one of the best things I've had at a chain restaurant in quite some time.

That is all.

Oh dear, it's December now. 

In the immortal words of my dad, "When the hell did this happen?"

Ugh.

2/19/08

I got all excited this morning because I was convinced that I had beaten the system - the system being Ticketmaster. But when you think about it, logging on and buying a ticket to a concert during a fan pre-sale is not beating the system. It's doing exactly what the system is supposed to do.

Oh, whatever. I am in possession of a general admission ticket to see the Foo Fighters play Madison Square Garden on February 19th. I'm psyched. Beyond psyched, really. And a bit impressed, as I told the world to stop sucking, and it did, at least a little bit.

But Ticketmaster can still suck it for being such a bitch during the Bruce Springsteen ticket frenzy - the tickets for the Philly show weren't sold through Ticketmaster so I've still got some Bruce-related demons to resolve there (hopefully this summer at Giants Stadium).

A more substantial rant on Ticketmaster to follow.

Stop sucking, everything.

I wish I had some happy, funny pop-culture-y rant to write about but frankly, I haven't really been in the mood to write anything other than a super angry rant against the world. So I'll just say this:

Stop sucking, life. 

Stop sucking, humanity.

Stop sucking, world.

Yeah, I'm not so much a fan of the holiday season.

Also, I'm having a bit of trouble dealing with yet another snub. I thought I stopped caring, but apparently I've been thinking too highly of myself lately.

But that's neither here nor there. In continuing the theme of sharing my injuries, it should be mentioned that I managed to burn a perfect isosceles triangle into the flesh on the inside of my arm just below my wrist while removing a pumpkin pie from the oven.  

With dinner in about an hour, I can already feel the food coma coming on, even though I haven't started stuffing my face yet. No matter, it'll be good. Food will be eaten, naps will be taken, and inevitably, we'll all end up back downstairs on the couch to watch "Elf."

Happy Thanksgiving!

I woke up this morning, saw the snow coming down, and turned over and went back to sleep. I'm not ready for winter.

They call it a flight cause it takes you up to heaven...

Ok, let's review:

Sexy accents - check.

Guitar playing skills - check.

Ability to make me laugh - check.

It's official. Bret and Jemaine of Flight of the Conchords are the ideal mate for me (either one of them... or both, actually, that could work).

Jemaine gets bonus points for the sweet sideburns he sported during the show. Ah, the return of the great muttonchop debate....

God, I want to kiss you on the mouth to stop you from saying such ridiculous things.

Last year, when I was taking a comedy writing class, I had a discussion with my professor about 30 Rock, which had just premiered. "It's a good concept," he said, "and Alec Baldwin is really brilliant, but I just don't know if it will work out. But it almost seems like they're letting her develop the show on the air. We'll have to see how it turns out." He was right to be skeptical - the show had a bit of a rough start. But it found its footing, and I have to say, I think it may have surpassed The Office for my favorite sitcom on television right now.

In a way, it's like 30 Rock has become the spiritual heir to the throne of wonderful absurdity upon which Arrested Development sat. Is it a coincidence that both shows won an Emmy for Best Comedy Series after premiering to low ratings but high critical praise? Like Arrested, 30 Rock manages to combine political commentary, dirty jokes, physical comedy and sharp satire all while telling a coherent story and throwing in callbacks to the most wonderfully silly parts of episodes past (Werewolf Bar Mitzvah, I'm talking about you). And it doesn't hurt that Arrested cast member Will Arnett has already put in two guest appearances on the show.

So that's pretty much it. I thought I had some more insight, but really, no. Just watch the show. It will blow your mind grapes away.

A-Rod: The Sequel

A-Rod, Yankees closing in on 10-year, $275 million deal

Oh A-Rod. Although the mental picture of you crawling back to the Yankees and begging for your job amuses me to no end, I must say I'm a bit surprised at how this all played out. And a bit disappointed, as I was ready to put an end to the A-Rod in pinstripes era. If this alleged humility - which caused said crawling - shows up during the season, I'll be pleasantly surprised, but I'm not holding my breath. 

Law & Order: Shark Jumping Unit

I have made no secret of my love of all things Law & Order. There is something very reassuring about always being able to find it in reruns, and I was a bit bummed that I wasn't able to see the French version during the short time I spent in France two summers ago (although that could be because I spent 95% of my time there seeing movies and getting hammered).

Even though I love L&O so, every now and then, the show does something so incredibly stupid that I can't possibly fathom why I love the show so. Take the last episode of of SVU, for example. I know the show wouldn't be the same without our beloved detectives and attorneys taking everything personally, but there reaches a certain point where it gets a bit ridiculous. I'm speaking, of course, of the fact that the seemingly countless schizophrenic perps that have passed through the system have had no effect on Casey Novak but suddenly this one caused her to throw the case. Um, okay. Despite the ridiculous "Elliott is blind - well, only for ten minutes" subplot, it had the makings of two-thirds of a decent episode. And then it got ridiculous.

Ok writers, you want to give Casey a backstory? Fine. But why make it about something that even the most casual SVU viewer could remember the show dealing with in the recent past without reaction from her? Unrelated, stop pushing the "Elliott and Olivia want to fuck" agenda. And for the love of god, give Richard Belzer more than just one scene an episode!

On the plus side, tonight's episode had Jack McCoy! His first official appearance as District Attorney! As much as I am saddened that we will no longer get the classic McCoy courtroom speeches, Although the casting director seemed to be trying hard to not let people forget about Fred Thompson, as the perp's attorney had an accent nearly identical to that of DA Arthur Branch...

I don't rap about bitches and hos I rap about witches and trolls

Last week, the Gods of Entertainment bestowed upon us the gift of the Flight of the Conchords DVDs. I fell hard for the Conchords this summer, and quite appreciated HBO's policy of rerunning episodes until I could practically recite them from memory.

The downfall to this, of course, was that they eventually stopped showing Conchords episodes, and like nicotine and alcohol, zany New Zealanders were a hard substance to give up cold turkey. But now the DVD is here, and yay. Twelve wonderfully absurd episodes of singing, band meetings, angry dancing, and crazy fans fan.

Unfortunately, that's it. Not a single bonus feature is on the disc, which is disappointing for a number of reasons. First, HBO sent around a survey about Flight of the Conchords around the time that they announced they had picked it up for a second season which included a question about what kind of bonus features you wanted to see on the DVD. That seems to imply that they would include some sort of bonus features on the disc, right? Second, there were a number of behind-the-scenes clips available on OnDemand/as part of the Flight of the Conchords podcast, and even if they were just recycled for the DVD, that at least would have been something. The same for Mel's video diaries, featured on the HBO site.

I was really keeping my fingers crossed for the inclusion of the Conchords' HBO "standup" special, but alas, no go. I'm hopeful that a future Conchords DVD release will feature some of these extra goodies, but with season two threatened by the writers' strike, who knows what will happen.

All that bitching aside, the episodes are amazing and really don't need any extra bells and whistles. If you're not hooked by "Mugged," you probably don't have a sense of humor. Or you like According to Jim. Now if only HBO would wise up and find a lead-in for the Conchords that is more appropriate than the frat boy "humor" of Entourage.

Completely unrelated to New Zealand's fourth most popular folk-parody duo, I have to say that I'm absolutely in love with Chuck, both the show and the character. Kudos to whoever put Britney Spears' "Toxic" in tonight's episode (so oddly inappropriate and therefore, perfect). And is it me, or does Zachary Levi look like a cross between Paul Rudd and John Krasinski?