Um, whoa

Brian Cashman is so fucking stealth:

Yanks land Teixeira with eight year deal/MLB.com

The change was made uptown and the Big Man (and his scrawny buddy) joined the band

Hello there, boys. Lookin' good in those pinstripes.

As is evident from the picture, CC and A.J. had their big press conference at the (old, *sniff*) Stadium today.  Both said all the right things, and Burnett has begun the process of winning me over by being frank about his history of injuries and getting in a dig at former teammate Carl Pavano. Hey, someone's gotta say it now that Moose is.... aw, that makes me sad to write.

Anyway, neither guy has managed to get hurt or attack a cameraman yet. So far so good. 

And now that this is all official, I have to ask, can we show a little love to Chien-Ming Wang? With all the talk of the "1-2 punch" that Sabathia and Burnett comprise, have we already relegated Wang to the number three starter in the rotation? Certainly some consideration has to be given to making him number two, no?

Brian Cashman knows something I don't.

Brian Cashman knows something I don't. Brian Cashman knows something I don't. Brian Cashman knows something I don't.

That's what I'm going to keep telling myself. Because I can't find a reason otherwise for him to offer a mammoth 5 year/$82.5 million contract to injury-prone A.J. Burnett. High risk, high reward? We can only hope. The last thing we need is Carl Pavano 2.0. But I'm afraid that's what we got.

Dammit, I miss Mike Mussina already.

Facebook's ads need some work

Ads I saw while looking at my FB profile yesterday:

So not only am I being advertised dating services for two religions - neither of which I have any interest in - but I'm being baited with THE SAME GUY. It seems that even the religious types will lie to get into your pants.

Things that make me want to punch people

1. The fact that Francisco "K-Rod" Rodriguez is headed to the Mets and his jackass celebration every time he notches a save is now going to be on the New York nightly news more frequently than when the Yankees play the Angels.
2. The Yankees apparent continued pursuit of A.J. Burnett. Pavano 2.0, guys. Pavano 2.0.

"Hey, we got Cy Young winners over here!"

Greg Maddux announced his retirement today, which a friend and I agreed makes us feel old. Congrats to him on an incredible career, and like Mussina, it's good to see him go out on his own terms.* It also gives me an excuse to post this old-school Nike commercial which I always found amusing.

   

Does Nike even make commercials like this anymore? Ah well. See ya in Cooperstown, Mad Dog.

*Speaking of which, having the two of them on the same HOF ballot makes Moose a lot less likely to get in on his first shot.

Baby, you're my lucky day

I'm seriously in love with the latest track released from Bruce's upcoming album, My Lucky Day. I had a credit for Amazon's MP3 store, so the fact that it was free made it even better.

Happy Thanksgiving!

This year, I'm thankful for friends, family and a job. Also for Jason Giambi's mustache, Bruce Springsteen's increased musical output of late, Moose's 20 win season, frozen potstickers, Chuck, beating the boys at Guitar Hero and the bourbon-spiked pumpkin cheesecake currently sitting in the fridge.

Enjoy your turkey today! 

How not to win customers

I don't understand how ANY company can see Frank Caliendo - of the unceasing ads for his incredibly unfunny show FrankTV - and think, "Hey, people don't see enough of this dude and he'll TOTALLY help sell our product."

Even if DirecTV wasn't superbly inferior to cable, the fact that they put him in their commercials would be reason enough for me never to switch.

The gift of not being digested by a bear

Truly, Stephen Colbert, your Christmas special is the greatest gift of all. And perhaps if you made out with Jon Stewart under the mistletoe it would've been even greater, were that even possible.

Also, I heart Elvis Costello. Seriously.

Call off the Moose hunt

Above: A mother-effing collector's item

Well, we knew it was coming but that doesn't make it any less disappointing. Mike Mussina has officially retired, and damn if he didn't go out as high as he could (personally, anyway). Thanks for everything, Moose. The Yankee clubhouse will be a much less sarcastic place without you, and your awesome shirts from 80s Tees will be missed.

It's official

From BruceSpringsteen.net:

Bruce Springsteen's new album "Working on a Dream" has been set for a January 27 release on Columbia Records. "Working on a Dream" was recorded with the E Street Band and features twelve new Springsteen compositions plus two bonus tracks. It is the fourth collaboration between Springsteen and Brendan O'Brien, who produced and mixed the album.

"Working on a Dream" Song Titles:

1. Outlaw Pete
2. My Lucky Day
3. Working on a Dream
4. Queen of the Supermarket
5. What Love Can Do
6. This Life
7. Good Eye
8. Tomorrow Never Knows
9. Life Itself
10. Kingdom of Days
11. Surprise, Surprise
12. The Last Carnival

Bonus tracks:
The Wrestler
A Night with the Jersey Devil

Ohhhhhh yeah.

Note to Self

Black and red plaid Chucks are NOT broken in enough to comfortably make the trek to the Daily Show's studios out in the middle of nowhere on the West Side.

Do NOT pass go

Monopoly is being turned into a Riddley Scott Movie [EW.com]

Monopoly the movie? Been there, done that, won me a spot in the Film Production I end-of-the-year showcase in '05. I want royalties, Ridley Scott!

Every time I think I'm out, they pull me back in

Alone II: The Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo

PURIFICATION OF WATER! PURIFICATION OF WATER! PURIFICATION OF WATER!

*collapses*

Nerd Alert!

Pop quiz, hotshot. I am:

A. Kind of awesome

B. Kind of a nerd

C. So happy that I have a job that's starting soon that I've been delving into the world of random crafts I would otherwise have no interest in

D. All of the above

Obviously, D, which is why I've been working on this. It would probably be done by now if I hadn't run out of black thread.

Also, Mike Mussina nabbed a Gold Glove today. That looks to be the sum total of offseason prizes the Yankees are going to score, unless you count CC Sabathia and Mark Texeiera...

Happy Halloween!

Hi ho, Kermit the Jack-o-Lantern here!

MVP indeed...

Congrats to the Phillies on finally getting that championship drought monkey off their city's back. And congrats to Cole Hamels for being a stud in more than one sense of the word...

Well, at least it's not Scientology

Derek Jeter has mastered the art of talking without ever actually saying anything, as evidenced by this recent interview on SI.com. Even so, he still manages to get in an amusing quip here and there:

SI.com: Before we wrap up, as a Yankees fan, can I make one request of you this offseason?
Jeter: OK.
SI.com: Can you promise me and all Yankees fans that you won't start studying Kabbalah?
Jeter: (Laughing) Don't start with me about Kabbalah. I went to Catholic school.

If this were that SNL sketch with Seth Myers and Alec Baldwin slinging insults at each other, Derek would turn to A-Rod and go, "Ooooh ya BUUUUUURRRRRRRRRN!" Then A-Rod would start crying.

And when we kiss, fire

I love this song.

That is all.