Happy Thanksgiving!

This year, I'm thankful for friends, family and a job. Also for Jason Giambi's mustache, Bruce Springsteen's increased musical output of late, Moose's 20 win season, frozen potstickers, Chuck, beating the boys at Guitar Hero and the bourbon-spiked pumpkin cheesecake currently sitting in the fridge.

Enjoy your turkey today! 

How not to win customers

I don't understand how ANY company can see Frank Caliendo - of the unceasing ads for his incredibly unfunny show FrankTV - and think, "Hey, people don't see enough of this dude and he'll TOTALLY help sell our product."

Even if DirecTV wasn't superbly inferior to cable, the fact that they put him in their commercials would be reason enough for me never to switch.

The gift of not being digested by a bear

Truly, Stephen Colbert, your Christmas special is the greatest gift of all. And perhaps if you made out with Jon Stewart under the mistletoe it would've been even greater, were that even possible.

Also, I heart Elvis Costello. Seriously.

Call off the Moose hunt

Above: A mother-effing collector's item

Well, we knew it was coming but that doesn't make it any less disappointing. Mike Mussina has officially retired, and damn if he didn't go out as high as he could (personally, anyway). Thanks for everything, Moose. The Yankee clubhouse will be a much less sarcastic place without you, and your awesome shirts from 80s Tees will be missed.

It's official

From BruceSpringsteen.net:

Bruce Springsteen's new album "Working on a Dream" has been set for a January 27 release on Columbia Records. "Working on a Dream" was recorded with the E Street Band and features twelve new Springsteen compositions plus two bonus tracks. It is the fourth collaboration between Springsteen and Brendan O'Brien, who produced and mixed the album.

"Working on a Dream" Song Titles:

1. Outlaw Pete
2. My Lucky Day
3. Working on a Dream
4. Queen of the Supermarket
5. What Love Can Do
6. This Life
7. Good Eye
8. Tomorrow Never Knows
9. Life Itself
10. Kingdom of Days
11. Surprise, Surprise
12. The Last Carnival

Bonus tracks:
The Wrestler
A Night with the Jersey Devil

Ohhhhhh yeah.

Note to Self

Black and red plaid Chucks are NOT broken in enough to comfortably make the trek to the Daily Show's studios out in the middle of nowhere on the West Side.

Do NOT pass go

Monopoly is being turned into a Riddley Scott Movie [EW.com]

Monopoly the movie? Been there, done that, won me a spot in the Film Production I end-of-the-year showcase in '05. I want royalties, Ridley Scott!

Every time I think I'm out, they pull me back in

Alone II: The Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo

PURIFICATION OF WATER! PURIFICATION OF WATER! PURIFICATION OF WATER!

*collapses*

Nerd Alert!

Pop quiz, hotshot. I am:

A. Kind of awesome

B. Kind of a nerd

C. So happy that I have a job that's starting soon that I've been delving into the world of random crafts I would otherwise have no interest in

D. All of the above

Obviously, D, which is why I've been working on this. It would probably be done by now if I hadn't run out of black thread.

Also, Mike Mussina nabbed a Gold Glove today. That looks to be the sum total of offseason prizes the Yankees are going to score, unless you count CC Sabathia and Mark Texeiera...

Happy Halloween!

Hi ho, Kermit the Jack-o-Lantern here!

MVP indeed...

Congrats to the Phillies on finally getting that championship drought monkey off their city's back. And congrats to Cole Hamels for being a stud in more than one sense of the word...

Well, at least it's not Scientology

Derek Jeter has mastered the art of talking without ever actually saying anything, as evidenced by this recent interview on SI.com. Even so, he still manages to get in an amusing quip here and there:

SI.com: Before we wrap up, as a Yankees fan, can I make one request of you this offseason?
Jeter: OK.
SI.com: Can you promise me and all Yankees fans that you won't start studying Kabbalah?
Jeter: (Laughing) Don't start with me about Kabbalah. I went to Catholic school.

If this were that SNL sketch with Seth Myers and Alec Baldwin slinging insults at each other, Derek would turn to A-Rod and go, "Ooooh ya BUUUUUURRRRRRRRRN!" Then A-Rod would start crying.

And when we kiss, fire

I love this song.

That is all.

As always, Tim McCarver makes complete sense [/sarcasm]

In the top of the 9th inning of last night's World Series game, Jimmy Rollins was hit by a pitch. It grazed his jersey, and as that does constitute getting hit by a pitch, he should've been awarded first base. Alas, he was not, and our... ahem, esteemed broadcasters Joe Buck and Tim McCarver replayed the pitch in question.

Upon said review, Tim McCarver remarked, "Not even close!" Ostensibly he was referring to the ump's incorrect call, but... well, that doesn't really seem like the right phrase to use when describing a pitch that actually DID hit a batter.

So... bendy

Man, does that look unnatural or what? Gotta love a boy who's flexible (and wins the opening game of the series)...

Ebay is a smelly pirate hooker. That is the only explanation for why I lost the auction for something I REALLY REALLY REALLY NEEDED TO HAVE. FUCK!

Ok, outburst over. Now back to your regularly scheduled baseball and pop-cult discourse.

Welcome to Bizarro Baseball World

Things I never thought I would see:

A discussion of the "If the ball hits the catwalk" rules at Tropicana Field during the playoffs.

Mooooooooose!

Congratulations on finally nailing down that 20th win, Mike. Now I can go wash the smelly shirt I wore out of superstition for your last 3 victories.

Seriously, it smells.

Some day we'll find it...

Disney Prepares to Use Its Marketing Magic to Bring Back the Muppets/NY Times

This article about Disney's latest attempt to re-popularize the Muppets was in the New York Times this past Sunday, but it went under the radar thanks to that whole Yankee Stadium closing thing. I've always loved the work of Jim Henson and long considered him an inspiration. My elementary school library had a biography of Jim Henson, which I borrowed so frequently that I can vividly remember the book's opening, a description of Henson's memorial service in New York City attended by Muppet-tie-wearing businessmen and Big Bird himself.

I know that the Muppets have attempted a few comebacks in the past that never really took off (which, disappointing), and I thought the article was interesting, even if I was somewhat put off by the amount of corporate-speak it contained. But the really alarming thing? 

And because the Muppets have been without a regular television gig for more than a decade, many children and younger teenagers don't know them. 

Ms. Breier said recent focus groups indicated that some children could not even identify Kermit and Miss Piggy, much less ancillary characters like Fozzie Bear and Gonzo the Great.

Ugh, really? This makes me sad. I blame Disney's new puppets, Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers. 

Johnny Damon and his penchant for breaking bats

If you've listened to Yankees broadcasts this season, you know that Michael Kay is fascinated by the number of bats that Johnny Damon breaks. Such fascination has caused him to utter such bon mots as "I wonder what would happen if Johnny Damon faced Mariano Rivera? You know, they both break so many bats..." (Uh, Michael? You may want to peruse this page.)

Anyway, in one of the many articles I read about what the Hall of Fame was taking from last night's game, Damon said he was donating the bat he used to smack what I'm sure he hoped would be the last home run hit in Yankee Stadium. Alas, that honor would go to Jose Molina - who's donating his spikes - and with regard to the bat Damon used?

[Johnny Damon] borrowed one from outfielder Xavier Nady because, as Damon told [Hall of Fame President Jeff] Idelson, "mine are all broken." 

Damon has been breaking bats at a record clip this year, so the bat on display from the home run will bear the name of another player.

"Xavier got a chuckle over that," Idelson said.

Heh heh. So did I.